#and it’s wild bc i lost so much of my creative energy for YEARS

[sga-owns-my-soul]

should i make really shitty stargate atlantis fan art

[broodsys]

just... thinking about my life tonight. feeling very (pleasantly) surprised with where im at rn. kinda heavy in the stuff it references but very positive overall

this time last year, i believe i was still getting high like... all the time. and that'd been going on for many, many years by then. most of my time in college i was getting high as soon as i got home.

and i don't really resent it - frankly, it helped keep me alive through some very rough times. but at the end, i didn't feel alive, either. just sorta... moving but absent. it was getting to the point that i didn't recognize myself. couldn't keep any friendships bc i was so scared of fucking up bc i knew i was living in a haze.

eventually i just hit a wall with it. started tapering off, expecting to pick it back up, but i just... never did. at the time, i didn't know if i'd ever write again, if i'd ever get my creative energy back, or if i'd lost it all.

(note: i'm not telling anyone what to do, i'm not judging, nothing like that; this is just my personal relationship with substance use)

but the thing is... here i am? the fact that i've written so much is remarkable in and of itself, like i feel a huge sense of pride and satisfaction with that, but the fact that i've written so much, that it's good, that it's the kind of nuanced, deep, complex writing i've always been scared to do... and all this after i thought i'd lost it all? that's like... it's hard to even believe sometimes.

but here i am. and things are still hard, of course. in a lot of ways, the underlying problems that i started using drugs to cope with are still there. but it's different now, because i know enough about myself, about life, about coping mechanisms, about focus and perception and all these things, that i can approach life differently even with many of the same burdens. and it's just... wild to me.

i'm writing fic. in fact, i've been writing a minimum of 500 words a day for over 100 days - well over, really, but i wasn't always tracking it. i'm writing one of the biggest fics i've ever written, and easily the best and most cohesive longfic i've ever written. i'm learning to draw??? like where tf did that come from? but it did, and i'm here, and i'm letting myself engage with it lightly, without undue pressure. trying to learn to not see the problems, trying to learn to trust the process, and overall just... engaging with creative outlets for the sake of engaging with creative outlets. i'm rping with my friends! i'm doing an exchange event for the first time in my life! i'm just... interacting and engaging in ways i haven't been able to for so, so long

and i'm talking to people! i'm beginning to open up and learn how to socialize again! sometimes it's awkward and i feel like i've fucked up but i'm accepting that part of it, too. being human is messy, communication is messy, all of it is... but it's worthwhile, too.

idk. there was a huge stretch of years there that were just... empty. before that, so much that was incredibly painful. and after that, still a lot that has been incredibly painful. things haven't necessarily "gotten better," but i've still gotten better.

just really thinking about that tonight. it's nice.

[roguish-gallery]

Did you ever make that joker tier list, I always like seeing what people think of all the different ones. Though if they put Romero last I can no longer respect them.

LMAO I DID! I think I’ve made it kind of obvious in this blog but I... don’t... particularly... care... for... the joker.... unless he’s, y’know, fun to watch. Cause he’s a clown, and clowns are supposed to be entertaining. But since you politely brought it up, and and because I have a deep respect for mutual Romero-lovers, I guess this would be a good time to explain my rankings and just discuss my general thoughts on each clown:

General Thoughts:

For the most part, I don’t really care for the Joker. This is hardly an uncommon opinion here on tumblr, but I definitely fall on the side of the fandom that feels that he gets too much attention from DC. I get WHY they use him so often for films and comics, and I don’t have anything against *most* folks who consider them their favorite Batman villain, but at this point he’s used more for shock value and as a crutch instead of anything interesting. Like, instead of giving attention to the other Rogues, writers (at least for the comics) will try and make up some bullshit story that they can shoehorn the Joker into, ‘cause it sells. It’s tiring, and I feel like the character has lost his meaning; I can only read so many stories about the Joker, I don’t fucking know, wearing a suit made from dead babies and Jason Todd’s flayed corpse before I get sick of it.

I’m at the point where I’ll like any Joker who’s just fun to watch. I genuinely respect those who prefer darker interpretations of the character, but that isn’t me; I vastly prefer the lighthearted takes on him, because... at this point... writers who use the “cleaner” version of him tend to be more creative, since they actually have to write a Joker story that doesn’t rely on gore/torture porn.

TIER ONE:

Joker Baby: Self explanatory. Joker Baby is thematic, thoughtful, and intense. Everytime I watch this video, I shiver with fear and pleasure; something primal in me awakens whenever Joker Baby runs his fingers through his spray-on dyed hair, and ends up smearing green paint on his forehead- it represents the inner turmoil, the chaos, that resides within the disturbed body that is Joker Baby. Nothing can ever hope to top the artistic and cultural impact Joker Baby has had on society.

TIER TWO:

Batman Ninja: I genuinely believe that Batman Ninja is one of the most fun, organic, and creative things to come out from the Batman side of DC comics in like... hmmm... a decade, maybe (I could talk for hours about how much I love this movie but that’s something for a future post). This Joker is easily, and unironically my favorite interpretation of the character, period. I love his energy, his design, everything. This is the most fun I’ve ever had watching a Joker on-screen, and for that I’ve gotta give the film credit where it is due.

Batman ‘66: I looooove Caesar Romero. Batman ‘66 in general is one of my favorite pieces of Batman media, and I absolutely adore this Joker. The show is pure, genuine fun, and it’s nice to turn my brain off and watch a show where the entire cast was allowed to goof around. This Joker is just a cute, goofy little clown-man who likes to commit crimes, go surfing, turn Gotham’s water reserve into gelatin, and have wild orgies with Penguin, Catwoman, and the Riddler. I massively appreciate the hustle. I love his little mustache and his facial expressions. I’d give him a chaste little kiss on the cheek if I could.

The Batman: EXTREMELY CONTROVERSIAL TAKE BUT. I think TB!Joker is better than what people will give him credit for. I can only imagine how stressful it must have been to be the first Batman cartoon to follow BTAS and the writers for this show knew they were gonna be fucked no matter what they did with the Joker, so they just decided to try something completely different with him. Personally, I appreciate the new direction- he has a fun, unhinged energy. I’ve placed him higher than BTAS/BTNA!Joker simply because The Batman was the show that got me into the Rogues in the first place, and I’m just a bit closer to this Joker because of it. Also his vampire form was cool as FUCK in Batman Vs. Dracula and the scene where he gets drenched in blood at a blood bank is fucking awesome.

Batman the Animated Series/The New Adventures: Everyone loves BTAS’s Joker, and I’m no exception. Mark Hamill is fucking great, and the writers clearly knew the character well enough to create a version of him that can be fun and threatening. As an aside, I unironically like his redesign in BTNA- I remember Hamill mentioning somewhere that he thought it was neat that this Joker looked more like a shark (I’ll see if I can find a source on that... I think he said it in an interview with Kevin Smith?) and I kinda agree with him. the redesigns in the final season are hit or miss, but I didn’t get why so many people bitched about the Joker’s new look.

Batman Unlimited: Hear me out... Hear me out... Clown... funny... and cute... He wears a little crown and gives Solomon Grundy a little smooch on the cheek and it is as delightful as it sounds. Yes the Batman Unlimited films literally only exist to sell toys but that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy them on some ironic level.

TIER THREE:

Lego Batman: He’s a gay icon. He has the range. Enough said.

White Knight: This is just a genuinely good, original take on the character, and the art in White Knight is absolutely gorgeous. 

Arkham: My friends and I joke that this Joker is basically a more unhinged version of BTAS! Joker and... yeah. I’m glad Hamill and Paul Dini got to fuck around with the character more, but I never really dwelled on the Joker parts of the games like I might have for other characters. I definitely liked him the most in Arkham Asylum, as he was more fun to watch. Arkham City was fiiiiine, but I think I replayed the game so much that I kinda got fatigued with everything about it. Genuinely hated his part in Origins, and I was pissed that he stole the attention from Black Mask and Bane (who’s the best fucking part of Origins IMO). I’ll admit that I... Haven’t... played... Knight yet (I have it on PC but my laptop is too wimpy to run it) but like... He’s dead at that point, so I’d assume he isn’t the main point of that game anyway. I love Mark Hamill and the fact I can personally beat the shit out of this Joker, so he’s ranked up pretty high for those reasons.

TIER FOUR:

Batman ‘89: TBH this Joker should be a rank higher, but I’m too lazy to hop onto PicsArt to change it. NIcholson was an excellent choice, and I apprecaite how this Joker makes use of the playful and unhinged aspects of the character. Also, his outfits are cute, and I love the museum scene.

Brave and the Bold: Technically this Joker SHOULD be ranked higher since he’s literally based on the more lighthearted comics in the 60′s but... ehhh... I haven’t really watched BATB so I don’t have any strong opinions on the show and how it handles the character. he’s ranked this high through beause I appreciate what they were going for.

Golden Age: The quality of comics are always subjective, based on the creative team behind them. Some I’ll like more, others less so, It’s kind of hard to rank the pre-52 comic version of the Joker because of this.

TIER FIVE:

Killing Joke: Read it, didn’t care for it. I acknowledge how massive the impact this comic had on... everything, but just because I recognize how important this graphic novel is, doesn’t mean I have to like it.

The Dark Knight: Ledger did an excellent job with the role, but uhh... I’m kind of sick of the alt-right chuds who are out there sucking this Joker’s dick. The fanbase definitely ruined the character for me.

TIER SIX:

99′: Eh

Endgame: No

Suicide Squad: NO

Death of the Family: Hate him. Despise him. Lame stupid dumb little edgy bitch.

Gotham (Jeremiah): I don’t particulary care for Gotham in general, but the only reason I ranked this Joker over Jerome is beause I thought it was kinda funny to see that they made him a little rat-man, and I liked watching all the fujoshi on here cry and complain that they can’t ship this version of the joker with the pre-pubescent Bruce Wayne in the show bc he’s too ugly.

Gotham (Jerome): stop shippping this freak (who is fucking eighteen years old) with a literal twelve year old child. what the FUCK is wrong with yall.

UNRANKED:

The Joker (2019): I don’t plan on watching this film, nor will I ever. I know this is ironic, coming from someone who runs a Rogue blog, but stuff that focuses primarily on a character’s deteriorating mental health makes me reaaaaallllllyyyyy anxious (it’s kind of a phobia) and considering that I don’t particularly the Joker, I have no reason to watch something I know will only give my dumb ADHD-ass intrusive throughts.

[judehayward]

lady gaga voice slowly fadin in: ju-Das juda-ah-ah… this depressed goblin bastard is honestly my fav male muse like i dnt typically stick w male muses tht long i struggle bt................. i’ve played him the longest of them all n always seem to return to him. jst cnt stay away. way 2 attached to this absurd little man. it’s nai btw!!!! (josefine on the main). launches right in to jude’s intro without further adieu..... (u can also find his playlist here) 🧙‍🎨

「douglas booth & cis-male」⇾ hayward , jude, the senior radcliffe student’s records show that he is a pisces and 23 years old. he is studying ART, living in moris and can be protective, laidback, nonsensical & apathetic. when i see him i am reminded of wearing a faded smiley face sticker on your forehead while receiving a serious lecture, saying “fuck off” to inanimate objects, lead marbles instead of eyes. ⇽「nai & 23 & gmt & she/her.」

he pinterest:

me in the voice of a card magician performing on the street: round up round up pick a pinterest any pinterest!

ta-da it’s aesthetics:

lead marbles instead of eyes, a stolen hearse careening down the wrong lane, wearing a faded smiley face sticker on your forehead while receiving a serious lecture, bags under the eyes that are so big they could pack enough clothes for a three week vacation, a cigarette wobbling from your bottom lip as you squint against the sunlight, passing out on a stranger’s rooftop, placing sunglasses over the eyes of a biology lab skeleton, gangling around the place like shaggy minus his scooby snacks, saying “fuck off” to inanimate objects

about tha Bitch:

born in sheffield in england, bt they went back and forth between there n san fran a lot

jude was an unhappy accident. his parents never rly used protection bc they were super Liberal n Au Naturel n believed in the pull out method bc… they were maniacs. bt then the ONE time they used a condom in an effort to b safety conscious it broke n hence…. jude was born

they just kind of ran w it bc they had such a passionate relationship tht they were like What The Hell…. may as well! itll be fine we’ll learn to be good parents n love him like normal ppl do

spoiler alert: tht didn’t work out

they were ok to him like they weren’t fully Bad bt they just found him to be a massive burden n hindrance to their plans. pretty absent n irresponsible. they literally….. had sex all day every day n acted like a pair of teenagers. it ws a super weird environment for a kid to grow up in bc he literally had no role models or… guidance or…. anything rly. occasionally they’d joke around w him or pretend they properly knew what grade he was going into but for the most part they just Didn’t Care the way parents shd. they lost his birth certificate n dnt remember what they put as his middle name so he’s jst kind of like hmmmm............. n gives himself a diff one every time ppl ask. past variations hv included: jude pauly hayward, jude maureen hayward, jude van winkle hayward. says all of these w a very straight face

despite this he does hv some nice memories w them. usually he definitely sees them fr holidays. frm being rly young their christmas tradition hs been to get a bunch of chinese food like a Banquet Feast n spend all day smoking n drinking into the early hours. perhaps not the healthiest or most responsible bt 😔 jude rly likes it it’s kind of the one time of yr he feels he has a proper family

they r both suuuuper into the arts. rly good sculptors bt they paint too n they actually own a successful gallery in sheffield n san fran

(trauma tw) as a result he grew up around a lot of creative n sometimes pretentious ppl. the friends of his parents were more present in his life than his ACTUAL parents bc they were always jetting off to diff countries to scout out new pieces fr their galleries n just have a gd time in beautiful places without…. the annoyance tht ws being responsible n looking after someone. tbh some of his parents friends were rly damaging too bt….i won’t go into that just yet. it doesn’t rly…need properly explaining bc jude never talks abt it anyway n it….is rather triggering so i’ll jst….leav it for now tbh. basically they just were Not Nice n jude had a lot of bad memories he keeps repressed bt he also??? has some gd ones..... it was a strange environment bt he’s a survivor

(death n grief tw) he hd to do community service bc he kind of… hd a bit of a breakdown before the funeral of his elderly neighbour who bsically raised him bc her kids rly didnt care abt her they jst wanted her inheritance?? so he… stole the hearse w her casket still in it n ws jst like… drivin around the place sort of… tryin nt to cry…..KJJFHSFKJGHKFG i mean. it isnt funny its actually sad bt :/ in a very bizarre n jude way. he gt caught n taken in fr questioning bt her son kind of realised hw… broken up abt her death jude ws n had a heart n didnt press charges. regardless he stil hd to do community service bc it ws like taken seriously even tho it ws his first proper offence. doin it rly exhausted n depressed him so when he wsnt doin tht he ws just hibernatin in his room……. this ws like 4 months ago nw............ just some fun lore fr u all

bc of how he ws raised he has a p cultured taste. he luvs classic lit n p much anything artsy. he can play piano 2 n sometimes gets rly high n thinks he’s mozart level gd at composing he’s jst going fking wild on the keys in a trance...... i mean he’s gd bt… chill

he’s rly sarcastic n so deadpan like he’ll say smthn completely ridiculous bt he’ll say it w his whole chest so sincere.... it’s rly hard to tell when he’s joking or serious honestly. has an overflowing secret sketchbook n if he cares abt someone he’ll probably secretly draw them. does NOT share these drawings w the person he hates being openly sentimental. at heart he is jst a very Sad Boy w lots of repressed issues like depression genuinely just does NAT giv him a single break bt he plasters over this w wise cracks n never discusses his emotions ever. he’s actually p decent or at least tries to b. he’s kind of like tht bit in superbad where michael cera gets rly drunk n makes a toast to women like tht energy...........

he has rly bad insomnia so he like never sleeps idk how he’s Alive straight up. please go to bed sir............. he always has rly sleepy eyes n rubs them tiredly mid conversation. he smokes a lot of weed to try n compensate fr this n make him tired bt he still struggles a lot

ANYWAY that aside he’s at radcliffe doing art, focusing on fine art like painting is............... the thing he luvs most...... his style is kind of.......... taking normal things n painting w surreal colours.... he likes A LOT of colour in his paintings which is kind of a stark contrast to his personality bc his world’s so.... washed out n grey............ lovs art n philosophy n literature n photography n music.... 

ummMMMMmm honestly idk i’m blankin on what else to say. ull find him smoking weed reading an american classic or gnawing at his thumbnail n getting charcoal smudges on all his clothes. wandering the streets in plaid pj bottoms n dr martens eating frm a cereal box without care in the world. he’s p broody n scruffy n he’s mostly here fr a laidback time....... doesn’t rly like when ppl take themselves too seriously........ likes strange ppl thinks the world is mde richer by them n likes when ppl can jst bounce back jokes at him without being like erm. u dont make sense mate. bc frankly he can come up w some strange stuff sometimes.............. talking to him cn b like navigating a dark n bendy road without a flashlight....... 

(drugs tw) once did shrooms n woke up naked in the woods curled up in a pile of leaves. to this day he recounts this as his werewolf transformation. hs no idea hw he ended up there n when ppl r like are u not. concerned jude. tht is so strange? he jst shrugs like.............. dunno....................... suppose i’m jst a werewolf upon occasion. so casual abt it. jst truly does Not care abt most things at all..... almost to the point tht it’s concerning (sometimes way past the point tht it’s concerning too :/)

this is the desc on an aesthetic i mde of his style once n sums it up well!! ‘additionally: too many pairs of trousers, a hideous amount of white t-shirts all somewhat stained with charcoal, a jumper so thinly knit it almost looks sheer, chipped teale nail varnish, a cream corduroy jacket with a cigarette hole singed onto the cuff, vintage wiry reading glasses he almost never wears, a freshly rolled cigarette behind his ear, a thrifted t-shirt with a warped bart simpson wearing a stethoscope with the caption ‘bard knwos cardiology’ and two crops hacked that way with kitchen scissors that he sometimes wears to paint.‘

EXPERT at rolling spliffs like jst. mkes them so precise n neat....... it’s his super power. his fav thing to smoke frm is banana flavour papers.................... linking 2 this he’s like. bad w emotions bt he does try..... once his friend (maggie) ws sad so he brought her a spliff wrapped in grape flavoured paper bc it’s her fav fruit n jst like. wordlessly gave it to her. it’s the thought tht counts.....

PLOTS!!!!!

plays bass in a band which cld b a fun connection to get together??? i picture the music being like surf rock type like........... mac demarco...... bt he also luvs elliott smith n glass animals n the cure n metronomy n neutral milk hotel n talking heads n radiohead n mazzy star n wolf alice...................... idk jst like.... within tht ballpark i suppose i imagine it being................

mayb ppl he shares classes w?????? i’d like someone tht does a similar course n they hang out tgether when it comes to trips fr the module to museums or exhibits or wtever................ they both stand in front of paintings analysing it rly wrong n saying stuff like hmmmmmmmmm....... i do declare i see a, uh..... large phallus protruding from the centre of this image...... moves something in me.......... n some elderly person looking at it besides them is like Ergh. sickened n disgraced. leaves w a brow severely furrowed

someone he smokes w on the moris rooftop late at night when he cnt sleep??? mayb they’re up n cnt sleep either fr whtever reason n it’s become an unspoken kind of ritual where they always clamber out n find each other there n jst wordlessly keep them company

jude is kind of like. protective almost to a fault sometimes........... mayb some guy he’s punched......................... if they hurt someone he cares abt........... typically it wld hv been a girl he ws kind of like. affected by his first relationship bc she had a bad home situation n ever since jst wnts..... to Protect it’s kind of like an automatic instinct ingrained in him nw 😔 all sounds very noble n well bt sometimes it cn b a bit of an escalation i wnt lie

perhaps a few hook-ups??? jude doesn’t tend to sleep w ppl he rly knows bc he just..... likes it to b an impersonal thing doesn’t like getting attached fr various reasons so mayb they only kno each other via this OR mayb he bent his rules a bit..... cld either work seamlessly or hv added drama if one side hs mre feelings or whtever

currently living in moris w 2 roommates bt i’d love some neighbours perhaps..... mayb someone tht lives directly nxt door to his room n is like ://// bc he plays music loud n weeds always drifting frm his window n mking their room smell if theirs is open too................. or mayb they get on..... mayb there’s a rly mean seagull tht lands on a branch n poos on pedestrians n they both commentate on it frm their windows like david attenborough...... they’re like he’s at it again. they’ve named him n everything

HONESTLY anything if u have an idea hmu i’d love 2 hear it.......... rubs my hands tgether in excitement to plot up a storm w u all

[tothe8andbeyond]

D-8 SVT 5TH ANNIVERSARY: FAVORITE GOING SEVENTEEN EPISODE - MT SVT REALITY, GOSE 2019 EP 3-4 & 7, DEBATE NIGHT, SVT PLAYGROUND, DON'T LIE, BOO SEUNGKWAN'S PAST LIFE DESTINY, INSOMNIA ZERO (#2), AND MORE

Season 1 began in 2017 (another reason 2017 is ironically Seventeen's year) and SVT content was changed forever.

It began as more of a behind the scenes with everything from Don't Wanna Cry, Diamond Edge, Clap promo, and all the fansigns inbetween. This season just made me really sad I wasn't a carat sooner but it was a cool vlog for the boys and they were so excited to be filmed, precious bubs. I don't really have a favorite episode but here are some iconic/favorite moments

"Goiiiiing.. SEVENTEEN!" "goinggoing~~~"

Covering the camera with Hoshi's hand

"What if I die?!" "Then you die!"

SVT Energy Skincare™

Jun leaving people "frozen"

Angry MC Santa Wonwoo

Asking for the unicorn frap at Starbucks and having the order total turn out to be $17 thus triggering the members

Minghao flexing on everyone's life (again) on the trampoline

Hoshi being depressed about not getting bday wishes

Dino's "fanboys"

"Americano, aMEricano, ameRIcano, ameriCANo, americanO"

Make It Shine blooper

The dog from the concert poster photoshoot

Dabhao was thriving

My I behind the scenes 🥰

Any Junhao moment bc I'm whipped

Little 8 practicing his singing 🥺

Trauma (Seungkwan remix)

Spin-Off started introducing us more to GoSe in a variety format

We got variety-esque episodes like with the members cooking, writing letters to themselves, making flower crowns, drawing, and the arcade episode! But it was still mostly vlog-esque where we got to see behind the scenes of Thanks, Ideal Cut Concerts, Japan Arena Tour, 3rd Anniversary, their exhibit, Oh My/YMMD, and BSS promo. Again making me emo I wasn't a carat earlier missing all these iconic moments 🥺

My favorite episode is easily MT SVT REALITY and Hoshi yelling out the window still might be one of the most iconic moments ever, PERIOD. My other fave moments include

DK and Jeonghan fake laughing for like 5 mins straight

Minghao's mullet, period.

Driver Minghao for TTT

Jun abandoning DK to help Wonwoo with his apron instead

The birth of the legendary "T H E to the 8" rap (feat. the return of imma)

Producer Woozi

Episode 20 (yes I have that memorized) when Minghao hosts a cute little hotel date 🥺 he tells fans not to think of him romantically and then pulls this shit pretending to feed us and everything which is why I'm sad lol

Minghao's giggle when he did the bottle flip 🥺

Vernon full on losing it during an arcade game while Hao who's playing with him is dead silent

V8 vs. older bros

"you're over, Yoon Jeonghan"

Junnie winning at the fighting game uwu

The iconic Thinkin About You looks

That pose Jeonghan does that screams "your crush is coming, act natural"

Mingyu getting too excited and spitting on the cake so the members cover it but Mingyu thinks they're doing a team cheer

Hoshi screaming "2 captains!" repeatedly while Woozi regrets his life's decisions

Killing the8 in mafia just for returning from China

GoSe 2019 was the birth of the true variety show. They even made a theme song and everything 🤣😭 SVT are such natural entertainers ohmygod (and the editors really stepped up their game thank u staffs)

There was still some behind the scenes like the 4th Anniversary, Japan concerts, and Minghao instructing for Chinese Ver. of home, but they kind of started transitioning behind the scenes content to a different spot on the channel and honestly carats are so well fed with content #blessed. ALSO THIS WAS AROUND THE TIME I BECAME A FAN IM EMO

My absolute fave eps are the ones when they were brainstorming their own ideas for the show (3-4), the making of the intro/theme (7), debate night, and SVT playground but honestly the whole fucking season has so many iconic moments

Vernon not being able to read red marker bc of his red glasses

Jun's 1+1

Honestly it's so entertaining hearing them talk about their ideas even without them implementing them yet, they're seriously so creative

They do skits/roles so well like Jun pretending he's from the Chinese restaurant next door and Woozi being CEO of Going Entertainment dndkdk I cannot make this shit up

"Jeonghan act tired" Jeonghan: *fully falls to the floor and drags his body to the couch djdkdkdkkdld he's so fucking dramatic I'm still dying at this

Wonhao running around dead S.Coups

Minghao doing the going dance down the stairs (flexing again)

Pabo latte

Enthusiastic Minghao in Japan 🥺

The MBTI hidden camera

Diva Boo being pissed he didn't get Beyonce's MBTI but someone else did

Monsta X saving them at karaoke

Pigeon DK thriving during debate night

Geppetto Minghao looking fine af during debate night "I said so many nonsenses, I hope you liked it"

TTT fun - meerkat line rise, Jeonghan and Hoshi catching bugs but screaming the whole time, network love unit playing except Hao and he just gives them a cute "fighting!" Like they're his kids but he's just trying to relax lol, more mafia, Jun being hilarious during try not to laugh, S.Coups wanting to kill the staff (as usual), THE MEMBERS PLAYING WITH KITTENS

Froghao was thriving during svt playground

Bothering Woozi during secret santa

Hao's face when Jeonghan took the iPad

Dino literally got gifted a brick??

Junnie's light up grills

GoSe 2020 continues the variety so well and each member gets a month! So sad they shortened the theme but they gave us subs! Also the previews for next episode are great! They also stepped up the editing too. They are all working so hard for this and it really pays off

My favorite episodes so far are Don't Lie, Seungkwan's Past Life Destiny, and Insomnia Zero (especially part 2). I'm so damn hyped for Debate Night 2. Again so blessed for this content 😭🙌

It's harder to list moments when the entire episodes are iconic!!

DK failing at his own mystery food game

Minghao literally lucky number 8

The saga of Minghao being amazed at Mingyu's eating continues

Hoshi singlehandedly admitting he's mafia then getting Mingyu killed instead then openly killing the citizens at night without needing to hide and then winning the game ohmygod I cannot at how fucking wild and hilarious this episode was

Sleepy Jun during Seungkwan's Past Life Destiny

Junhao, evil twins, seoksoon, mingyuzi rise

Dino rejecting Mingyu with a moonwalk

The overall betrayal of couples omg

SA DALLA

Jun showing the Made in China tag djdkkd

Limbo was fucking wild

The members are all whipped for Woozi that shit made me soft as hell

Talking shit when other members are trying to sleep

Woozi loves dad jokes so much omg

They are so damn dramatic for the ASMR in Insomnia Zero pt 2 omg

TASTY

Jeonghan purposely not answering Hoshi's call to come back

Hoshi giggling that Woozi lost and Woozi fully having a crisis

Wonwoo identity crisis as one of the chill members

Brain Survival and Escape Room made my brain hurt but they're so smart

Minghao jump scare poor bb

Kicked out members becoming audience reactors

DK and Jeonghan fucking around with the props instead of helping

Their delivery food episode just made me hungry

S.Coups not flinching one bit at arm wrestling Hoshi

Trying to act cool when the move spots on the chess board

Seungkwan's wipe out

Getting debate night 2 really saved my life I can't wait for the rest of 2020

I typed way more than I should have but I just love Going Seventeen and all Seventeen content, being a carat really is a blessed life!

[tepiddreamer]

do you know anything about why amaya is raked up right now? have the trainers offered any explanations? it would be nice to hear from them as there is a lot of speculation but no definitive answers

So I have heard nothing outside the normal trainer lines such as ‘raking is a natural form of discipline among killer whales’. Which is half true.

It is true that wild Orcas rake just like they do in captivity. But in captivity it is much more prevalent and even signs of abnormal behaviors amongst captive individuals.

In a wild pod, you will mostly see calves, adolescents, and males with rake marks*. Out of the entire group the youngest will have the most rakes. A mother will rake a calf for attention or punishment. How severe the raking is determines on the behavior, and other members may join in on the action. I have seen wild calves being tossed by pod members, or in some cases the rakes came from siblings attempting to assist a ailing calf. In the wild alloparenting is common, in that younger animals will be raised or ‘babysat’ by other members of the pod while the mother is off hunting or resting. But this kind of behavior is resolved quickly, and not as frequently as in captivity.

In the wild the animals spend a great deal of time traveling from one place to another for food, socializing, traveling again, pod integrations, resting, and what can be considered play time. But the animals are constantly expending energy and being stimulated by other animals, sounds, objects in the water, and food.

In captivity the animals are given their food requirements, and spend less energy traveling or being mobile. While most animals do some kind of behaviors throughout the day to raise heart rate and trainer interaction (stimulation), the caloric burn is not equal to those in the wild. So they log. Or hang at a gate. Or elicit attention from a trainer. A calf will pester or bother another pod mate. And that pod mate now has free time and energy to expend on that calf.

I hate to ever use a human comparison to animals, but this is the best way to explain this. Human children between the ages of 3-7 enter what is known as the ‘push button stage’. A normal child this age is somewhat verbal**, mobile, and likes to explore. This energy can be creative or destructive. They will knock items over, tear them apart, kick/punch other individuals, ignore given commands, purposely or defiantly go against a rule or instruction, act out to garner attention, soil/disrobe themselves, enter/leave a forbidden area, and various other activities to illicit a direct response from parents/caregivers. Basically: what can I do to make you mad and give me what I want, and if I don’t get it I will act out, sometimes violently, to discipline my caregivers.

If you have never had children or worked with them, I recommend a quick view of one of those Supernanny programs. A tantrum/meltdown over not getting chocolate milk is a good example. A frustrated parent will give verbal warnings, put them in time out, and suffer as the child has a complete meltdown for not getting what they want and not being able to communicate their thoughts/feelings. Behaviors observed in baboon and great ape species so negative behaviors by juveniles and are punished by dominate family individuals, either by chasing/biting/grabbing the animals in submission.

Killer Whales have a similar process. Except they lack appendages like hands/feet. So they use a warning call, chase the individual, roll them over/hit with their tail flukes/rake with their teeth. A raking is a direct punishment, it does cause pain, although how much pain depends on how deep the rake is. A superficial rake will probably come down to a shock factor, a deeper rake is more than likely a painful reminder. A calf may not come when called, stray to far from their mother, rough play with another animal, may take a EED away, persistently want to nurse or ask for food, general aggravation of a tired mother.

In captivity is where the aberrations really start. And these aberrations differ from animal to animal and park to park. Here we see Shouka vocalizing before she purposely went after Ulises and went after his tail. A minute later Kalia and Shouka began fasting chasing each other then rolling/balling. This is a reconcile effort, in that touch can reconcile bad feelings. What set Shouka off is unknown, however in the last year I have seen her become aggressive towards the males and even Amaya. In Kalias case she would rather spend time with the trainers than with her daughter Amaya, who is very independent. Shouka will often be paired with Kalia and Amaya, and the 3 of them are a force to be reckoned with. Shouka has taught a great deal of behaviors to Amaya, and Kalia has passed her assertiveness onto her daughter as well. But this assertiveness has gotten her in trouble, she has a tendency to bully Ulises who will turn around and give it right back. Shouka seems to have a shorter tolerance for Amayas habits, and will quickly roll and rake Amaya, even with Kalia in full view. Amaya is pushing buttons, how far can she get within another whales personal space before they react. Kalia seems to become jealous of her daughter getting attention by the glass and by trainers, she has pushed Amaya away. Amaya has energy to burn and wants to be stimulated, but in a gated pool with bored adults its not happening, so she plays with the gate, or interacts with guests, baits birds, plays on the slide outs, elicits responses from Shouka, and wastes time.

Makani has lost his mother, the former matriarch of the San Diego pod. As a juvenile male, he is the bottom of the ladder, and the first to be disciplined. Luckily Makani has been taken in by Corky, but Corky is a no-nonsense whale and will quickly put Makani down. Recently Tilikum16 posted a video of Orca Encounter being interrupted by Makani after he tried to nibble Corkys tail, and Corky chased him into the show pool. Corky resolved the tension herself, but Makani stayed in the show pool. Ikaika is submissive to Makani, Keet does well, Nakai has rolled him, Ulises has raked him several times. The females don’t tolerate him well. This is not to say that this wouldn’t be happening if Kasatka was still around, he would still be on the bottom and raked up. Makani is testing his limits of what he can get away with and his own environment. He will push EEDs over a gate and vocalize until a trainer retrieves them.

photo@Makaiolover_lisag

Makaio is the youngest of the Orlando pod, and currently one of 5 whales in the pod. While he does have some raking, he is not as bad as the youngsters in San Diego.

photo@LunaBeluga

Sakari is also another juvenile whale in San Antonio, a member of 5 whales. She as well has superficial raking (notably on her saddle) but again not as prominent as the San Diego pod

So what is wrong here?

Well for one is pod size. The San Diego pod is now at 10 whales, 5 females/5 males. There is a good mix of Older female (Corky), Older Male (Ulises), Middle Age (Keet, Orkid, Shouka), Teenage (Ikaika, Nakai, Kalia), and finally juvenile (Makani, Amaya) These whales are often broken into 4 groups with Dominant/Cycling (Kalia, Shouka, Amaya), Intelligence (Orkid, Nakai, Ikaika), Balance (Corky, Keet, Ikaika, Makani), Size (Ulises, Keet). Throughout the day these smaller groupings will be intermingled or switched out from pool to pool for husbandry or shows. Some whales do not do well mixed (Corky/Ulises), are direct family (Kalia, Amaya, Makani, Nakai) or are used for high energy behaviors (Ulises, Kalia, Shouka, Orkid, Nakai). Some animals like Corky and Ulises are put into underwater viewing due to ‘tank pacing’, they swim in circles all day long and keep park guests interested. Others log all day like Keet. But by keeping them separated they cannot form a cohesive pod. Dominate behaviors from Kalia and Shouka lose traction with other whales like Orkid or Corky when they are kept in different pools for days at a time. They can hear each other, they can maybe see one another, but cannot enforce matriarchal behaviors until they are in the same pool together. Kalia and Shouka were recently kept separate for 43 days due to not being on birth control, this further adds tension to the group, then possible hormonal/sexual frustrations from being placed back on BC. This group cannot easily be put entirely together due to tensions within the pod.

They also can’t escape one another. Ulises will relentlessly be bullied by Shouka and Kalia for hours and trainers will ignore it (my last visit in July I was privy to this first hand in that Ulises had new rake marks by the end of the day, and was chased during a dine program, yet trainers made no move to switch him in to another pool). Amaya will hang at a gate while Kalia and Shouka log near trainers. While Corky does adore Makani, I sense she wants time away from him sometimes. When the whales have a ‘disagreement’ I do argue that sometimes separating them needs to be done sometimes. You mix them up daily for enrichment and stimulation but ignore the warning signs that they are not a cohesive group.

In San Antonio Takara and her 2 daughters are often together with access to another pool, the 2 youngster often entertain themselves with following trainers or splashing guests. The 2 males are often separate in another pool, except for main shows. Takara gets plenty of trainer time and alone time.

In Orlando there has been a great deal of disruption. Medical problems, separation due to cycling, storm interruptions (rain delays and show stops can frustrate a animal that is used to routine), loss of the UV area to interact with guests, and new/unconfident trainers. But it is still a smaller group that can be easily separated or put together as one if needed.

TL:DR Amaya and Makani are heavily raked due to aberrations in a captive environment. They are basically toddlers pushing their nearest tanks mates buttons and suffering the consequences. These consequences are exacerbated by confinement, irregular groupings, boredom, and frustrations.

Wild whales rake but captive animals act out.

* males with give each other rakes during sexual play with another male. Also mammal eating or stranding ecotypes may have more skin damage from the type of prey they are hunting

** In the last 15 years cases of Autism and lower brain development have increased. The number of non-verbal children by age 5 has drastically increased. Even with a limited vocabulary a child can convey basic feelings, but can become stressed or frustrated when they cannot come across clear or what they need. Scientific studies and research must be updated to account for the raising numbers of children who are non-verbal or limited vocabulary after the age of 5. I did not included children in late stage prepubesent/puberty as hormonal changes due alter behaviors.

[bleusarcelle]

Always Has Been

Alo! Psh, so, CORAN AND LANCE BONDING MOMENT BC YES. This is like the fourth chapter of Don’t Put Out the Glow fic I have in my Ao3, but yeah! You can read it separetly. 

The main point here is that Lance is beated up as hell (that happens in chapter 1) and he’s bed resting and the team takes turn to watch over him and take care of him and this time it was Coran’s turn!! 

So, link to read from the start is here: http://archiveofourown.org/works/9630371/chapters/21758132

But like I said, *shrugs* you don’t have to, just know that Lance is emotional and beated up bc of their last mission. 

Ps. I have the hc that Alteans’s language was ...well greek bc I’m not creative enough to come up with cute nicknames in alien language SO GREEK: 

kardiá liontarioú (greek) means lion heart. mikró ílio (also greek) means little sun.

Disclaimer: Voltron doesn’t belong to me. 

“And there I was: Alone with only my flubber and my tutter with at least fifty hundred Deditions. It was hopeless for any Altean…except for me! I stared at the eye of Death smugly and attacked without mercy. Victory was so close I could taste it, quite literal because one of the Deditions fell into my mouth, I might add. Time became slow and it was as I was in a hurricane and there was no escape but do you know what I did,  my boy?”

“What did you do, Coran?” Lance asks quietly, smiling softly at the Altean as he takes a sip from his cup.

“I beat every single one of those Deditions! It was the most satisfying victory of all, my boy!”

The brunet giggles under his breath. “But, Coran, aren’t Deditions like small puppies?”

“My boy! Their piles of cuddles and big shiny eyes could kill an entire army! No one is able to resist their cuteness!”

“Except you.”

“You can survive any outside cuteness when you see this face every day, my boy.” Coran says proudly as he points at his own face and he grins when the brunet laughs gleefully.

“Can’t argue with that logic.”

Coran smiles as he watches Lance chuckle softly. The brunet still has a big bump on his right side of his head, the corner of his lower lip is covered in dried blood and his eye is not as swollen as before but still sensitive and red.

Lance still looks bad but the bright smile on his face tunes out every visible injury and Coran can’t be more grateful with the universe for allowing him to see that smile.

“You know,” He starts after a few minutes in silence, voice gentle and longing, his eyes still looking at Lance fondly, “You remind me of my son.”

Lance’s laughter stops abruptly and then turns his head towards Coran, mouth wide open in surprise and then he’s frowning concern.

“Coran –” He starts, voice small and hesitant but Coran cuts him off by standing from the chair and walking towards the brunet, taking seat on the corner of the bed besides Lance.

“He was a good lad. He had his mother’s hair and eyes but besides that he was a mini me.” Coran chuckles, crossing his right leg across his left one and dropping his elbow on it, resting his chin against his open palm, “His mother used to say that we should have named him Coran Jr; saying that it fitted him better with his wild personality and loud upbeat voice.”

Lance licks his lips nervously and then speaks in small voice, “What was his name?”

“Lyon.” Coran replies calmly, “His name was Lyon.”

“Cool name.” Lance says, smiling warmly at the Altean and Coran smiles back at him.

“I see him in you.” Coran confesses softly, “I see him in your smile, in your laughter, in your determination, in your kindness. I see him in your eyes, in the hope and strength they hold inside them. I see him in your jokes, in your soft subtle caring actions.”

“W-What?” Lance whispers, eyes wide, fill with guilty and regret as he hears the confession, “No, no, but – Coran.”

“He was so brave. Lyon always had this spark on him, just like you, my lad. He was always full of life and energy. Oh boy, but as soon as he hit his teens, I finally understood why my Grandfather used to complain about me at that age, he was a rebel, let me tell you and –“

Coran pauses for a second, frowning in concern and confusion when he catches Lance’s shaking form from the corner of his eye and the soft hiccupping noises coming from the brunet.

“Hey now, no need for tears! He was a good lad, just like you! Which is why I see him in you. You remind me so much of him, my boy.” He says as he leans towards the brunet, wiping the lone tear that fell from his blue eyes with a comforting smile, “I see him every day because of you and –”

“C-Coran.” Lance cuts off, a sob escaping sharply from his mouth, “I-I-I’m sorry, fuck, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t – I only remind you of what you lost and – God, I’m so sorry I’m causing you that because –”

“Hey, no.” Coran stops his rambling before the teen can go on, “No, Lance, you misunderstood. I see him every day in you and I couldn’t be more grateful.”

“W-What?” Lance sniffles, his eyes wide and shiny with tears and Coran pass a hand through his brown hair.

“When I first woke up and realized that everything I had known, everyone I had loved were gone and lost, I felt hopeless. There was this one second that I actually believed that I should have stayed behind and die with my family so many years ago but then –”

Lance whimpers and Coran shushes him gently, “But then I saw you and you laughed. I was shook, because for a tick, I saw a young man with dark blue hair and light blue eyes with green marking on the corner of his eyes that it took me a moment for me to realize that it was you and not Lyon. That it was you who had laughed and it was you who smiled that bright smile my son used to portray every day without fail.”

“So, thank you, Lance.” Coran says, tears on the edge of his eyes as he takes the brunet’s hand on his own, “Thank you for reminding me that our loved ones never leave, not really. Thank you for reminding me what a family felt like.”

Leaning forward, Coran drops a kiss on Lance’s forehead, “Thank you for being you and remind me of my mikró ílio.”

“C-Coran.” Lance whispers, small hiccups leaving his body and Coran chuckles wetly as he gathers the teen against his chest.

“It’s okay, Lance. Your space family got you.” Coran jokes, smiling when he hears the wet giggle that comes from the teen in his arms.

“I-I’m so sorry, Coran.” Lance whimpers, nuzzling his face against the older Altean’s chest, “I’m so so sorry you have to deal with that pain. I’m so sorry you lost, Lyon and your wife. I’m so –“

“You know,” Coran cuts him off gently, passing a hand through Lance’s back in a soothing motion, “Lyon used to apologize for everything too, even though it had nothing to do with him.”

“Ah.” Lance says softly, “I can understand that.”

“I bet you can.” Coran muses.

“He sounds so cool though.” Lance mumbles softly, sighing as he hides his face in Coran’s chest, “You really shouldn’t compare me to him. It’s not fair to him. He deserves so much more to be remembered by.”

Coran frowns and pats Lance in the arm to catch his attention. “Lance, my boy, let me tell you something about Lyon. He was…he was insecure. He was a bright boy but things started to go south when he got accepted in the Paladin program and …”

The Altean takes a deep breath before he continues, “It was a hard time for him. He was, I believe, sixteen in your earth years at that time and I remember I once hear him cry because he thought he wasn’t good enough for the program. He said that he didn’t have what it takes to be a Paladin. Most of his instructors told him so too. No one besides Ina, my wife, Alfor, Allura and me believed in him and yet it wasn’t enough.”

“Oh.” Lance mumbles sadly, turning his head so he could face Coran, “Did –Did he left the program?”

A big proud smile spread all over Coran’s face at the question. “No. He didn’t. In fact, that only pushed him to work harder. Every book, every simulation and every bonding exercise he pass with excellence. By the time he was eighteen, he had most of the instructions and popular groups wrapped around his finger and even then he still didn’t make it to be a Paladin that year or the next one.”

“But why?” Lance asks softly, confused and heart broken.

“Because he didn’t believe in himself.”

He feels Lance’s sharp intake of breath and Coran makes sure to tighten his hold on him, “Do you want to know what changed?”

Lance nods against his chest so he continues, “Nothing.”

Coran chuckles softly at the confuse sound Lance makes at the answer. “Nothing changed because nothing needed to be changed. I remembered, one early morning, I caught him staring at the sunrise through the kitchen window. It was the most serene scene I have seen in my life and he looked so peaceful at the time.”

Coran leans back and closes his eyes for a second, as if picturing that scene in his mind. “When he noticed me, he turned to me and smiled. He smiled and nodded and that was enough for me to understand his message. After that, nothing changed except his aura. He became stronger, more agile, his mind focused, but his personality was intact: he still played with the younger kids he used to babysit, he messed with Allura and he played pranks everywhere he went. He was happy.”

“It wasn’t long after that when he was announced as the Blue Paladin’s successor.”

Lance gasp loudly and Coran pulls him away from their embrace to stare at the teen straight in the eye. “You don’t need to change, Lance. You don’t have to change to be someone because you already are someone. You are the Blue Paladin. You are Lance and that’s enough. You’re always enough. You are the definition of kardiá liontarioú, your heart is as big and strong as a Lion. Your bravenss and selflessness has no limits.”

Lance’s blue eyes start getting shiny again but Coran just smiles gently at him as he cups his cheeks, “You don’t have to change.” He repeats softly, “You just have to realize and knowledge your worth because you already are enough, my boy. You have always been enough.”

Lance’s lower lip quivers at the words but he still manages to smile, small and grateful. “Thank you, Coran.”

“Any time, mikró ílio , any time.”